Christmas Bonus!

 

Fw: Frosty ---> :-))))))))))))))

 

 

Fw: Tickle Me Elmo

There is a factory in Nor thern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me
Elmo toys.

The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports
for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM The next day at 8:45 AM there is a
knock at the Personnel Manager's door.

The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new
employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is
backing up,putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so
the 2 men march down to the factory floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle
Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to
pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of
Tickle Me Elmo's

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small
marbles. The 2 men watch i n amazement as she cuts a little piece of
fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little
package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter

After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and
approaches Lena "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight
face, "but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you
yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

Please sign a petition to rebuke santa

for being intolerant!

Ok, it is just a video but it is funny

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIGeUBz1kpY

but then again I do have a strange sense of humor.

 

Mrs hughes skewed views

 

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells.

Christmas joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly
Gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess
something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He
shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what
do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."

and so the Christmas season begins......

Kids say

JACK (age 3) was  watching his mum breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he  asked: 'Mum why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold  milk?'

MELANIE (age 5) asked her  Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any  more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember you must look in the back of your  panties. Mine say five to six.'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his mum good  night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my  bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She  tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration,  her mum explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for  her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's  me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking  juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she  said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

DJ  (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I  cost?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed  in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without  taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her  mouth?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When  his mum asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll  happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit  in?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to  a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city  but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked:  'What happened to the flea?'

TAMMY  (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman  her mum knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why  doesn't your skin fit your face?'

The Sermon I think this mum will never forget....  this particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms  extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his up turned face. 'Without  you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very  obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly  in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mum, what is butt dust?'