They walk among us

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64 charge I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave it back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor and gave her the money back. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again I gave her the money back again...same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64. 
  
This actually happened in Austin at MoPac Blvd and Parmer Lane  
 
 ............ ..They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail. 
 
  
I walked into a Mickey D's with a buy-one-get- one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free." "They're already buy-one-get- one-free" , she said, "so I guess they're both free" She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door. 
 
 
............ ...They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail. 
 
  
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said, "Where?" 
 
 
............ ...They Walk Among Us! 
 
  
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and 
said, "Oh I don't keep up with that stuff." 
 
 
............ They Walk Among Us!! 
 
  
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, 
Pacific." 
 
  
............ They Walk Among Us! 
 
  
My friend has a lifesaving tool in his car designed to cut through a seat belt if he gets trapped. He keeps it in the trunk. 
 
 
............ ..They Walk Among Us! 
 
  
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount. 
 
 
............ ...They Walk Among Us! 
 
  
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" 
 
 
............ They Walk Among Us! 
 
  
While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces." 
 
 
............ ..Yep, They Walk Among Us! 
 
  
They Walk Among Us, AND they reproduce 

This is just funny...

Bubba Died

Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer. The three men had always done everything together.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, Cooter said, "Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Gomer in To confirm the identity of the body.

Gomer looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two assholes." "What? He had two assholes?" asked the mortician. Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say, "There's Bubba With them two assholes.

AGING: The four stages of life

Yep! ?That about sums it up!

h/t to my aunt Dee

Riddle

 A woman was trimming her yard with a weed eater after she had mowed. Her cat started trying to play with the trimmer string and the woman accidently cut off the cat's tail. She grabbed up the cat and the severed tail and rushed to Wal Mart.  Why Wal Mart???? Because they are the world's largest retailer.  

Thoughts

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the hell happened?"

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow