Friday, July 4, 2008

What they mean when they ask YOU for 100%

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, but itʼs the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

Harley VS Honda

When you click on the sound be sure and listen until it is finished.

h/t SALDale

YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read .
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to
go out to eat.(more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1758...
If you haven't, add 1757.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number. (I.e., How many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)

The next two numbers are
YOUR AGE ! ------ (Oh YES, it is!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2008) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND
WHILE IT LASTS

h/t SALDale

Mexican Virus Alert

BUENOS DIAS!!


JOU HAVE YUST RECEIB A MEHICAN BIRUS!!!!! SEENCE WE NOT SO TECHNOLOGICALLY ADBANCED IN MEHICO, DIS IS A MANUAL BIRUS.

PLEASE DELETE ALL THE FILES ON JOUR HARD DRIVE JOURSELF AND SEND THIS E-MAIL TO EBERYONE JOU KNOW.

TAN JOU POR YELPING ME.
JULIO MANUEL JOSE RODRIGUEZ GARCIA DE LA CRUZ INFANTE SALGADO FERNANDEZ,
-- MEXICAN HACKER
h/t AuntD

WORD PUZZLE

Can you figure out what these words have in common. If you figure it out leave me a note in the comments.

1. Banana
2. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7 . Assess

Are you peeking or have you already given up?
Give it another try. Look at each word carefully.






Answer: No, it is not that they all have at least 2 double letters.
(Thought I had the answer, but I did not go far enough.)

Answer: In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.
Did you figure it out?
H/T AuntD

Funny Divorse letter

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.
I hope that's not a problem

h/t AuntD

Over 40's cute song

this is a flash animation song about 2 baby boomers not wanting to get oldFollow link